So guess what - I'm moving out

Yep. It's official. I'm spreading my wings and leaving the nest. It only took me the better half of nineteen years to finally have the guts to do it, even though I'm scared shitless just by thinking of it. I'm gonna be living with two of my best friends for roughly seven months and it's gonna be awesome!

Ignore that last outburst. The whole "it's gonna be awesome" part. It's totally true, I just hate that sentence. No matter who says the worlds most disgusting combination of four words, you always sound like a drunken jock at a frat party.

All my life I've been on a constant search of this book called "Guide to how to live your life - so you don't have to think so much", and guess what; it doesn't exist! It's not waiting for you at your nightstand when you come home from a date so you can open it right up on chapter forty-five: "What to do after the perfect date". Don't pretend you wouldn't want a copy if this book actually did exist. Everybody does. Imagine being in a really uncomfortable situation, like when you run in to your ex on a date. Wouldn't it be fantastic just to flip open the worlds greatest self-help book and know instantly exactly what to say or do? Even though I know that there is no such book, I still catch myself wishing for it, especially when I decided to move out. No one prepared me for the tons of things you have to get done, although I probably should have seen it coming, like dude! you're moving out! it's not gonna be easy.

The hardest part was telling my parents and the circumstances was probably not the best: we hadn't seen eachother for almost four weeks because of our holiday's being on different dates and locations. So, the day I got home the entire family sat out on the veranda playing the worlds coolest timekiller: yatzy. After spending hours telling stories from my vacation mom started getting serious about what should happen when I started uni. How I should contribute more to the family and how I should abandon my own social life and the best part - she'd be there the entire time to make sure it happened. I was sat there staring down my glass of red wine thinking "You don't have a clue". When she started her copyrighted rant about how I had wasted all my money on things that didn't matter and how my friends had had a bad influence on my this past year I simply let it slip:

"So guess what - I'm moving out..."

If I did possess the ability to go back in time and change things, the first thing I would do would be to stop Michael Jordan from ever retiring, stop George Bush jr. from ever entering politics, maybe convince Britney Spears to stay a virgin because let's face it - as soon as she lost her virtue it all went down the drain. And then I'd stop myself from telling them I was moving out right after my mom saying "You'll never make it on your own." It did make me look as if I was moving out of pure spite. Altough it did feel extremely good finally winning an argument against my mom. She's not twenty anymore, but I swear to God - she's quicker than Chris Rock.

My point is, even though there is no such thing as "Guide to how to live your life" book, it sure would be nice to have someone there for me in that very awkward situation. What does one do/say after telling your parents that you're moving out? In case you're wondering this yourself, don't do what I did, ask for more wine then ramble on about what you just learned on your guitar.

My mom totally freaked and started asking all these questions about her doing a lousy job as a mother or if I was gay. It's hard enough to defend your heterosexuality and convince your own mother that she didn't fail with you. My dad however took it the easiest. He just said I wouldn't make it and left. Don't worry - the day after he said he'd help me make my rent the first month.

The only thing that bothers me now is that unholy nervousness waking me up every day way too early, staring me right in the face going: "You're not gonna make it" But, the hell with it, at least I moved out, right? Doesn't matter if it's not gonna be tough and my days will probably be filled with reading heavy english literature, worrying about making rent and busting my ass of getting a girlfriend. Basically, living life as it is.

Can't wait..