As I stare upon the fast paced race that has been my life for the past two weeks, I realize that I indeed had nothing to fear. I guess it's one of those moments when you just wake up in the middle of the night and go: " what the hell was I afraid of?"
But, I guess it's just human nature fearing the unknown, reluctant to take the famous plundge out in to the giant colourful water that is life. If you haven't been told this by anyone before; don't worry, the water is great!

Moving out and starting uni all at once was perhaps not the best idea, but it did kickstart me in to real life and away from a state of ignorance and carelessness. I still believe ignorance is bliss, but there's some things worth investigating. Every day I grow further away from my parents and it doesn't feel as good as I thought it would, standing in the hallway at home, having trouble explaining why I smelled like beer and cigarettes and why I came home hours later than I was supposed to, but again that's part of unveiling the mystery of the relationships closest to you. I see now my parents more as equals than my superiors. My mother reacted surprisingly calm about the whole moving out thing as I've mentioned before and my father did come around the next day, teaching me how to do this and that around the house. But, lately my father seems sadder or to use slightly less dramatic term, uneasy about the whole situation. When he calls I hear that the confidence and the whole "I'm your father, learn from me" tone in his voice is gone. Left is a kind of worrying and a lack of knowledge that I find quite sad to endure. I do want to tell him not to worry and that it'll be alright, but I guess he feels less in control now than he used to, perhaps I had grown up faster than he reckoned.

My mom has this whole, "phew! he turned out alright!" aura about her, radiating the second she enters the apartment and on some level that was the emotion I was hoping for. After all, I am the prototype kid in the family, the first one to explore the world. I called them this afternoon, inviting myself back home for one of my dads famous friday night tacos. I reckoned that being active and open towards them may soothe any nerves that they may have.

I strongly believe that my father has more to teach me in this life and I think he kind of lost track when I moved out, not being able to vision where I was going, silently confirming that I indeed tread the right path in this life, eventually culminating to all that I can be. I assume that this is something that all parents go through and that it feels slightly more disturbing when it's your own child that goes through the motions, especially the ones you've experienced yourself. I guess all I can do now is act as normally as I can, throwing them little hints to assure them that their work is far from done and I like to believe that it'll go appreciated, knowing in their hearts that they're not growing too old for this world. After all, isn't that a parent's worst nightmare?