Confused

I'm confused. Really confused. In fact, I've never been more out of it in my entire life. I'm head over heels for this girl and I've no idea if she feels the same way at all. I know what you're thinking: "Oh no! Another teenager facing the real world - big deal!" Well to me it is. That's why I've named this blog "Thoughts of a ruthless nobody", I'm just another teenager - your average nextdoor guy who's after the one thing everybody else is searching for; that special someone you wake up to one morning, her sweet scent gently letting you know that today is going to be the best day of your life. Her eyes shut and her breath steady as she continues her journey into the land of dreams. Her hair messed up in a beautiful construction of the softest hair you've ever had the honour of running your fingers through. Her skin reflecting the early morning light as the blankets cling to her body.

You remember the days and nights before that when you lay lonely in bed thinking about her, how it would be like to sleep next to her. You remember the funny feeling you got when you were on your way to meet her. Every joke she made revealed your most sincere and embarassing laugh. She made it easy for you to be yourself. You continue to gaze at her till she wakes up and when she smiles at you, you declare to yourself that life doesn't get better than this.

This is what I want. This is what I think I have found. The only thing gnawing at my confidence is the not knowing if she feels remotely the same.

Tea

It's amazing what a cup of tea can do to you, what a huge difference it makes. Just by soaking a blend of herbs in hot water my heartbeat slows down, my head clears up and yes, the world feels just a little happier. In a troubling world, a small cup of green tea & lime from Twinings of London makes all worries that cruical inch smaller.

Life at uni has gotten easier, I've become friends with a few people, got a date this Saturday, not sure if she sees it that way, but I do. Have you ever had that moment when you sort of just realize that the thing/person you've been looking your whole life is sitting right next to you, and you didn't even know it! I had met her several different times and talked to her, thinking she was awesome and really pretty. (actually smoking hot is more appropriate) She likes the same types of books, music and her whole style is just the what I've been looking for the whole time. She says the coolest of things and her wierd language is just like mine. I think I'm treading a dangerous path here, I'm setting myself up again aren't I? It's the classical story: I have a crush on a girl, I ask her on a date without knowing if she thinks it's a date too, have a great time at the movies, then doing something stupid like taking my arm around her or some gesture that reveals to her exactly how I feel and then it all goes down the drain. She explains that she's not in to me in that way or she just want to stay friends and BAM! I'm forced to spend the rest of our friendship wondering what would have happened if I had just stayed cool.

Come Sunday I'll wake up to the verdict. Can't wait.